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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Ask Our Resident Bookie Johnny Vegas

Red Sox Nation Temporarily Off Suicide Watch


Well, it’s been brought to my attention that in lieu of the recent Red Sox sweep of the Yankees farm team that I should give them some credit, and update the status of Boston’s suicide watch.

All right, let us put some stuff in perspective here. Yes, it was the first home sweep of the Yanks in over a decade, but let’s add a few caveats:

Starting Pitching: Moose, Pavano, and Wang were on the DL, leaving the venerable Jeff Karstens and Chase Wright to start games 2 and 3 respectively. If we don’t get to the bullpen early on these bean bags we might as well trade Manny and Ortiz straight up for Bellhorn and Millar and try for single season strike out record.

The Yanks scored 17 runs in three games. Who started those three games? Schilling, Beckett, and Daisuke – our 1-2-3. We’re not going to outbash the Yankees, this isn’t the 1998-2003 Sox, it’s the Moneyball Sox, and the Moneyball Sox can’t give up an average of six runs a game.

Bullpen: The Yanks are on pace to obliterate the record for bullpen innings pitched. A 40+ year old Pettite has made two relief appearances thus far, and asking a mediocre-at-best bullpen to throw 5 innings a game is insane. These guys are a) not very good b) already worn out three weeks into April.

History: How many times have the Red Sox gotten off to a hot start only to watch Steinbrenner’s Merry Henchmen waltz past them in August/September? Well, I’m 26 and I’ve seen it happen 23 times, save Morgan’s Magic, 2003, and 1986 (Oh, by the way, did you hear Bill Buckner recently tried to commit suicide by jumping in front of a train…….luckily, it went between his legs)

OK, Now the good, and there’s quite a bit.

Bullpenn: Besides 2003 when Keith Faulk mysteriously owned hitters with a 89 mph fastball and a 82 mph changeup, the Sox haven’t had a good bullpen since Reagan was in office. Their perennial weakness now looks like a strength. I’m leery of anointing this group ‘great’ or even ‘good’ at this point – but the numbers don’t lie – and you can’t trail every game of a series vs. the Yanks and sweep without great relief.

5-9: Before this series watching Lowell, Veritek, Crisp, and Pedrioa bat inspired about as much confidence as watching W. Bush speak. These guys all contributed in the series, and that’s all we need. If they can collectively bat .250, the Sox will be tough to beat. If they can collectively bat .275 and put up 15-20 HR’s a piece, the Sox win the World Series Hands Down.

Backtobacktobacktoback: That was fun to watch, and guess who's about to catch fire just being himself.....yup, Manny.

Papelbon: This is an excerpt from my last Sox post, after the first game of the season:


If Epstein would ever answer my phone calls he’d realize that sending Papelbon to BALCO and having him pitch eight innings a game would almost guarantee a World Series birth, and in interleague play he’d probably be good for 20+ homers.

Is there a more fun pitcher to watch in baseball? This guy is evil. You want to know what people mean when they say “exploding fastball” take peak at Papples untouchable 97/98 mph cheese. Best closer in baseball – maybe best pitcher in baseball – this guy has struck out 13 of the 18 batters he’s faced this year. You put Babe Ruth in the box against him and Veritek wouldn’t hesitate to call 7 straight fastballs.

In Conclusion: For the young fawn who has been campaigning for me to give the Sox some positive ink, and wrote, “the Red Sox are hotter than my dirtiest Epstein fantasy”, take it with a grain of salt – we’ve been here before.

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